So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
