come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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