no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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