Don't you send me to vm
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
