Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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