Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
