did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
