8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
