I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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