I faked an abortion last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
