god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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