Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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