just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize