Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
operation harelip BJ is a go
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
