totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
