My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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