Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
