Need sex. Gaining weight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
