im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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