they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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