You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
