I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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