after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
