ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
