happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
