Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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