yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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