He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize