i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
