I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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