i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
you made out with another girl for some wings
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
