matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Even my vagina gasped.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize