i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
