I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
