I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
