I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
