New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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