Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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