I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
