I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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