Sober January is a disaster.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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