this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
