You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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