She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
