Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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