Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
