The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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