Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
