Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
