just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize