I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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