i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
