Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
