Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
