Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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