Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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