the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
