he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
