Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
