would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
