hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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