I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
