Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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