Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
