I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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