Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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