im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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