speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
