Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Randomize
