Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
