I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
