Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
