At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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