it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize