How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
