If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
