great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
