There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
