Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
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