You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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