You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
