the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize