The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
