So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You are a genius and a whore.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
