I'm going to jail i love you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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