College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
