He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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