dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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