hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
