Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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