i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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