I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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