i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize