Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
love makes seman taste better
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just had sex on a roof
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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