Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
