Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
