do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
