So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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