I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
